right now i want to be in love so badly,
it hurts.
March 2009
This one.
This life is collected in things we put in our pockets and people we could have married. I woke up one day and my body was covered in spider’s webs. It seemed as i they had been there for a long time, but you never know. The sky turned grey, and the streets were wet and empty, no one knows what the day will bring, I check my watch, we still have time. Memory hangs like dust on a curtain, hanging in front of a chipped windowsill that is kind of yellow. Some thing that was once young and beautiful, we think of sunlight, the warmth of it holding it between your fingers, like your fingers touching my face, like the feeling of the fact your fingers do not touch my face ever again ever. Maybe the mourning or the ships all out to sea, what love has fled, what love may return. I miss it all sometimes. There are letters and pictures, the remains of what once was like kingdoms out of nothing and this is how I fit in and this is the top of the mountain and now there is nowhere left to go. Books line the walls, I smoke too much, I take up space, my lips are chapped and I am getting fat. I try to make up for what has been lost and think maybe this moment, these words are all I’ve got, maybe this is my only change. I am here but my mouth is dry and we could say I lost my way and now I’ve found my way and all the books tumbled off the shelf and everything will be okay. I do not know what I am trying to tell you, maybe that lies at the bottom of the ocean, in a good kiss, in the middle of your first cup of coffee, if it is not the way it once was, it may return. What love has fled, may one day return all ships out to sea.
adorable boy,
it’s okay.
don’t be scared.
i like you.
you can call.— girl (not as cool as you might think)
dear ___,
i need that if one day the fancy should strike me to jump in my car, drive over to your place, and upon knocking on your door, see your surprised face, kiss you, and then with a smile, leave you standing there with a wave for goodbye, saying over my shoulder: “it’s because i felt like kissing you just now” - i need for you to be OK with that. with me. with this kind of girl, who loves spontaneity and sweet things and is hoping that you will like them too.
— me
“And here is cinnamon, hollow dark bone that I tuck unseen in your turban just before you go. Cinnamon friend-maker, cinnamon dalchini warm-brown as skin, to find you someone who will take you by the hand, who will run with you and laugh with you and say See this is America, it’s not so bad.
And for the others with the pebble-hard eyes, cinnamon destroyer of enemies to give you strength, strength which grows in your legs and arms and mostly mouth till one day you shout NO loud enough to make them, shocked, stop.” —
And for the others with the pebble-hard eyes, cinnamon destroyer of enemies to give you strength, strength which grows in your legs and arms and mostly mouth till one day you shout NO loud enough to make them, shocked, stop.” —
Chitra Banerfee Divakaruni, The Mistress of Spices
This book is absolutely magical..
“Shy-eyed Jagjit in your green turban that the kids at school make fun of, do you know your name means world-conquerer?”
—Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, The Mistress of Spices
